Insomnia and Paranoia work hand in hand to keep me awake...

If Alien was my friend, I’d like to be with him when he went to the dentist. When they started drilling, he'd probably go nuts and start eating everybody. That Alien | Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey

..It’s fascinating to think that all around us there’s an invisible world we can’t even see. I’m speaking, of course, of the World of the Invisible Scary Skeletons. | Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey

Fear can sometimes be a useful emotion. For instance, let’s say you’re an astronaught on the moon and you fear that your partner has been turned into Dracula. The next time he goes out for the moon pieces, wham, you just slam the door behind him and blast off. He might call you on the radio and say he’s not Dracula, but you just say, Think again, bat man. | Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey

One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. Oh, no, I said. Disneyland burned down. He cried and cried, but I think that deep down, he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late. | Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey